Hillary Gets Pandering Lesson from Chairman Jones

Hillary Gets Pandering Lesson from Chairman Jones

OKLAHOMA CITY (August 8, 2007) With Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton visiting Oklahoma this upcoming Saturday evening, Gary Jones and the State Republican Party have created a handy “Pandering Guide” for her convenience.

“Hillary has a long and painful history of pandering to people she knows nothing about,” said Jones. “So for her visit to Oklahoma, we thought it would be a nice gesture to provide her some pandering guidelines for our great state.”

Oklahoma Pandering Guide 101:

Number 1: Don’t wear our crimson and cream or orange, black and white
You may have gotten away with wearing a Yankees hat when you campaigned in New York, but it’s not going to work here in Oklahoma. Stick with what you know: liberal east coast elitistism.

Number 2: Please don’t try the southern drawl again
Your southern drawl that you pulled out on your stop in Selma, Alabama was more than a little embarrassing. Oklahomans can tell real quick if you aren’t from around here. So you probably should keep that in your back pant suit pocket.

Number 3: Speaking of pant suits

You’ve been criticized on the campaign trail for some of your pretentious pant suit ensembles. Let me stop you before you even think about entering Oklahoma in a pair of Wranglers and a cowboy hat.

Number 4: Your love for tax increases
We know you want to raise taxes on everything from businesses to personal income. However, that stance isn’t going to score you any points in Oklahoma. We want our tax burden to be lower, not higher. That’s why all 77 counties in Oklahoma went for George W. Bush in 2004, and why even Oklahoma’s lone Democrat Congressman Dan Boren predicted you won’t win Oklahoma.

Number 5: Last, but certainly not least, socialized healthcare
We’ve heard you are still pursuing a step-by-step plan to achieve nationalized Health Care. As always, you and your liberal colleagues are advocating another government boondoggle, not a private enterprise solution, and we don’t want the government in our doctor’s offices. So steer clear of discussing this dangerous policy.

“We feel if you stick to our guidelines you may just get out of Oklahoma unscathed. As far as the election, however, I’m afraid you won’t be so lucky,” concluded Jones.