Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!" Deep breath ... "What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!" and so it does. " A f r i c a n Elephant " Hooked on phonics!!! Ain't it wonderful!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be Awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement . He who hesitates is probably right. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL." If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt . Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs." Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf