DON'T SQUAT WITH YER SPURS ON: A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
by Texas Bix Bender
* Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
* There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
* Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Never ask a man the size of his spread.
* After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The
moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
* If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.
* Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
* It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
* Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
* If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.
* When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't
be surprised if they learn their lesson.
* When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown
around by somebody else.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it
back.
* Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so
important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it
back in your pocket.
* Never miss a good chance to shut up.
